If you don’t do this, finding love will be impossible.
You walk into a restaurant starving, as you approach the front receptionist, your eyes connect with one another. After formally greeting you, she asks you “how many” wondering if you’re expecting more people. With no words coming out of your mouth, you raise one finger indicating that it’s just you.
Immediately, she grabs a menu and asks you to follow her. You are walked to a lovely table, and situated as she announces your presence to a server.
Meanwhile, you stare at the menu. You see all the food you’re hungry for. You see the appetizer you want, the perfect drink for your thirst, the main dish that would satisfy you, and even the dessert to top it off.
Once the server approaches you and introduces himself, you smile ready to get what you’ve been waiting for. The famous question comes, "what would you like to drink?" Once the last word leaves his lips, the cloud of uncertainty starts to overtake you. You somehow become unsure about what you wanted to drink, you couldn’t find the words to express it. Instead of telling him exactly what you want, you hinted that you don’t know.
"Would you like more time to look at the menu?' he asks. You say yes, although you know what you want already. After he leaves, you start wondering what’s wrong, is the food not right? Maybe I can’t afford it? Maybe it’s a sign that I need to go somewhere else? Your mind floods with thoughts until he comes back and asks, “What would you like to eat, maybe we can get something started for you while you figure out your drink?” Numbly you stare at the menu, looking at what would put an end to your hunger at this exact moment.
All of a sudden you’re afraid, wondering if you try to order, will your words be empty again? Uncertainty is joined by anxiety as you continue wondering if you'll pick the right food, if it’s affordable or if it is it too much. You can’t find the words once again and now you’re also unwilling to ask. You have no idea what to do. You knew what you wanted but all of a sudden... you don’t know.
See, here’s the truth,
what makes successful relationships successful is not people knowing what they want. A lot of people know what they want from a relationship. They know what love is supposed to look like. The problem is, when someone comes to serve them love, they become unsure about their want, wondering if their need is too much to ask. They wonder if it’s a good time to ask for what they want or are if they are deserving of what they are asking. They look at the menu, but instead of ordering what they want and need, they settle into silence and hope the waiter brings them whatever he thinks is good. And God forbid he does, desperate for soul food, they just eat whatever comes to the table.
Closed mouths do not get fed love. I repeat: closed mouths do not get fed love. In order to find a true love, you must not only know that you want it, but you must be willing to ask for the things that you want to come with it. If it’s a little bit more patience, explain why. If it’s a little bit more respect, tell them. If it’s understanding in certain areas, set the foundation. You must know what you want and ask it or you’ll get whatever is left over.
Finding love is easy, but finding the love for you is hard. To fit the story, food can be found anywhere but what you want to eat is at a specific restaurant. When you get to that restaurant, open your mouth by expressing your heart. Order everything you need and allow them to prep it and bring it to you. The same goes for you on your quest for love.
Love is built and in order to build it, you need to work together to make sure the right bricks are laid. I wrote my latest book “Loving Me Right” because I noticed so many people simply did not stand on what they knew they want. People don’t know how to express it, so I shared my experiences and the gaps that needed to be filled in my marriage in order to help bring about the right conversations.